“He is Not Afraid of Bad News”

“He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the LORD.” Ps. 112:7

I have had bad news in my life. But I can say that personally, I have not had EXTREMELY bad news before now. I have had disappointments and losses. There have been hard times in my life that God has used to really refine me and teach me more about Himself. But it has only been in the last 8 months that I can say I have experienced the REALLY BAD news. You know, the kind that just completely rocks your world and you know that from that moment forward things will never be the same. My first experience with this truly awful kind of news was last July when our dear friends lost their little girl. Jesus took her to be with Him in heaven and she is experiencing such fullness of joy now. But oh how I mourned her and still do. I will always miss her. But it was still, no matter how much pain I felt over this loss, my friends who were the most directly affected.

However, now, in the last few weeks I have received news about my own little daughter growing in my womb. It was the “bad news” scenario you always hear other people going through and your heart just goes out to them and you pray you will never go through it yourself. The ultrasound tech saying he “is very worried” over my daughter’s bowed limbs. The doctor saying that he will be watching to see if her ribs grow correctly so that her lungs can grow and she will be able to breathe when she is born. The genetic counselor really pushing for the amniocentesis so we will know if she has one of the lethal diseases she is “high-risk” for having. The counselor telling us to not even really think of her as a girl because she may have one of the extremely rare lethal diseases where the baby’s reproductive organs don’t develop and we wouldn’t know if she was a girl or boy for sure right now unless we did the amnio. (And the unspoken—“you may want to know now in case you want to “terminate” the pregnancy.” Really, I wanted to tell them to not dance around this issue here. This is my child and I WILL NOT be ending her life no matter what diagnosis she is given!) Lots of bad news. (For a side note, there was a lot of good from this ultrasound that I choose to focus on that I mentioned in my last post. But, for the purpose for this post I am mentioning the bad news.)
We will just have to wait and see what God has in store for our Anna’s life.

However, I really took note the other day when I read in Psalm 112 that the righteous will not be afraid of bad news. I will be really honest. I DON’T want anymore bad news. I DREAD the next ultrasound. I just want to enjoy my baby and this pregnancy! But, when I read verse 7 I really paused. Why was the Psalmist saying to not be afraid of bad news? Because “his heart is firm, trusting in the LORD.” The beginning of the next verse says that “his heart is steady; he will not be afraid.” It was one of those moments when I really just dug deep into my heart. Is my heart firm and steady? Am I trusting in the Lord? I discovered that the answer to that was so multifaceted. When I thought back to when the ultrasound tech was giving us the first of the “bad news,” my heart had such peace. I was not doubting that God was in control. I had that same peace while speaking with the doctor and the genetic counselor. And, then, the crazy God-thing is that my heart KEEPS going back to that peace. Yes, there are times when I am fearful for my daughter and the future. I would just really like an easy pregnancy. I just want a “healthy” baby to bring home. But God, by and only by the power of the Holy Spirit, continually brings me back to His Word and His truth. I CHOOSE not to dwell on all the “what-ifs.” They really are not helpful. The Holy Spirit is continually aiding me in focusing on the Gospel. And when you focus on the truth and wholeness of the Gospel it is really hard to not be trusting. I mean, really, how can I not trust a God who sacrificed His own Son and poured out the fullness of His wrath on His child for me and for my baby? Because of the finished work of Christ on the cross HE has conquered sin, death, and the grave. This life is a journey that is leading me to my eternal home in Heaven with Jesus where there is no more sadness or tears or loss because sin is completely done away with. Jesus is making all things new and will right all the things gone terribly wrong. So how can I not TRUST my God. How can I not accept what comes from His hand? Should I not say with Job that I will accept good and evil from the hand of the LORD? Knowing that whatever He has in store for Anna, whatever her story looks like, He is working ALL THINGS for my good and her good. Knowing that if she were to breathe her last right now or not survive long out of the womb, she would be with Jesus and be whole and complete and experiencing happiness and peace that is indescribable! And my husband and I would be with her one day rejoicing around the throne for ETERNITY! All of these kinds of thoughts produce A LOT of faith and trust in my God. So, very slowly, I began to understand how the Psalmist could say that the righteous shouldn’t fear bad news because he TRUSTS in God. Bad news truly doesn’t last for the child of God---even if you are like my sweet friends who lost their precious little one. Yes, they will miss her their whole lives. The road will, at least at times, be hard as they walk the path of grief. But they have HOPE and will still experience joy and peace in this life. And when they are with their girl again in Glory, all the sadness and loss will melt away. Understanding the God we serve as we gaze upon the Gospel really does produce FAITH in our God. This is not to say trusting and not fearing is easy. But, focusing on the Gospel is how we fight for that trust. It is what gives lasting peace.

Our pastor who was preaching today out of Genesis 3 was saying that at the core of all sin is unbelief. Satan is the master deceiver and liar. He wants us to focus on what we don’t have. And man, in his foolish wisdom, will agree with him. But God gives wisdom that is from above and not of this world. He gives such grace to His children to sift through these lies and believe what is TRUE. Only a loving Heavenly Father, our Creator and Sustainer, knows exactly what we need and how to meet it. Only He can perfectly orchestrate our lives. I have asked myself: If God said, “You can decide. You can say what Anna will have. You can say whether she will be healthy or have a disability or have a lethal illness.” I still know, deep within my heart, that I would refuse to decide. I would willingly place the decision back in the hands of the Only One who is capable of making it. And I can TRUST whatever He deems right. And, by God’s limitless grace and by the power of the Holy Spirit, I continue to fight the fear of bad news. I continue to fight for I trust. This is NOTHING that happens on my own strength. It is ONLY by relying only on Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.

We sang the song All I Have is Christ in church today. By God’s grace alone, I was able to sing the last verse and chorus and truly mean it.

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone and live so all might see
The strength to follow your commands could never come from me
Oh Father, use my ransomed life in any way Your choose
And let my song forever be my only boast is You


Hallelujah! All I have is Christ!
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life!

Two days ago our family recieved news that has turned our little world upside-down. At our 17 week ultrasound (and our first ultrasound with this baby), we saw that her long bones in all her limbs are very bowed. This could mean many things for us and our little one. This is a waiting process right now, but we can cling to Jer. 29:11---God DOES have good plans for us. Plans that include HOPE! Below is a letter I sent out to family. It sums up my heart pretty well right now.

Hello Family,
Well, it has certainly been a walk of faith the past 24 plus hours, hasn't it? And, the fact is, it will continue to be one. It occurred to me as I have been fighting for faith that you may be struggling with some (and some of you, all) the same struggles I am. So, I thought I would share with you how I have been fighting. First, I have been reminding myself of what actually happened...not all the "what ifs." Our little girl actually looks GREAT in so many ways. The ultrasound technician actually said, "she has a beautiful heart." I thought that was so sweet and maybe profound as I have been praying that God will make her heart so beautiful as she learns to trust in Him. Her brain, lungs, stomach and other organs all looked great and right where they should be in the growing process. Her head was the size that it should be. Her feet are not clubbed. Her bones looked healthy and dense...not brittle. Just, bless her little heart, did she ever look like she has some curved limbs! But, she is kicking those little limbs all around...I feel her more and more everyday---which was a sweet blessing yesterday. I actually asked the doctor and the Genetic Specialist if this looked life threatening to her at this point and they both said no. The one concern that the doctor expressed to me is if her rib cage stopped growing as it should. That would mean that her lungs couldn't develop and that she wouldn't be able to live outside the womb. But, seeing that her ribs looked perfect yesterday as did her lungs I am just praying with confidence that they will continue to grow as they should!
Yes, they sent us to a Genetic Specialist who wanted to test for every possible known disease that this little one may have. And, you know, yes, she could have the very worst of them. But, it doesn't look like she has that right now, so I have firmly decided that it does my heart absolutely NO GOOD to sit and dwell on all these awful possibilities. However, this also doesn't mean that I am going to live in a dream world and pretend that everything is perfectly fine with her. There are SO MANY possibilities. We could go back for an ultrasound and everything look great, or the same, or worse. I won't know until that day. So, where are my thoughts as I go throughout my day. When I think of this little one...what am I thinking?
Well, here is how it has looked so far. Yes, I did look on line at the worse disease she could have, and no, it was not helpful to me in any way what so ever. So, how do I fight when all those awful thoughts come into my head. I can feel afraid to plan her nursery or go through clothes for her and so many other things when I think of the very worst. So, again, how do I fight? Well, these have been some very helpful truths I have been dwelling on.

1. I don't know the number of her days, but God does (Psalm 139). You know, we could have seen an absolutely perfect baby yesterday I then I could have miscarried her in a week. I have no guarantee of a tomorrow with her. But, GOD KNOWS! That is good news! Why?
2. Because HE LOVES HER!!!! He loves her passionately, fervently, sweetly, tenderly, wisely. I imagine Him holding her with his great big God Hands---forming her so perfectly as HE SEES FIT. Perhaps he sees fit for her to have a life long disability. Perhaps his sees fit for her to be completely normal. Perhaps he sees fit for her to only be with us for a short time. I can trust that because HE LOVES HER. He sent Jesus, His own Son, to die a horrible death in HER place (Rom. 8:32). HE is caring for her. She is LOVED by my God. And her life WILL accomplish the purposes that my loving God has set for her.
3. That same God also loves me with the same passion, the same tenderness, the same wisdom. I LOVED what is says in the Gospel Primer book---"For the gospel is the one great permanent circumstance in which I live and move; and every hardship in my life is allowed by God only because it serves His gospel purposes for me.......The good news about my trials is that God is forcing them to bow to His gospel purposes and do good unto me...." Romans 8: 28 says that all things work for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purposes. Romans 8:34-39 says that Christ is praying for me and that NOTHING can separate me from his love! Is. 41:10 tells me to not be afraid or dismayed because my God will strengthen me and help me and uphold me with His hand. His promises are here for me in His Word and He will help me by His Holy Spirit to cling to them no matter what the future holds.
4. So what does this all look like practically? Well, I do cry...a lot. I think that is a very normal, woman, emotion thing. But God has been SO gracious to me! Even when I am crying my heart feels peaceful because God is giving me the grace to pray with confidence and to cling to his Word through all the tears. Sometimes my heart feels very heavy when I think yet again of my little girl not having a "normal" life. But, that heaviness does not drag me into the pit of despair because I have an anchor of the soul to hold fast to. I CHOOSE not to think on things or dwell on things that are really just not helpful. She may actually be perfectly "normal" with just crazy ultrasound. She may not be normal but God may choose to heal her. Or, God may determine for her to have an illness/disability that could affect her life in so many ways. I DON'T KNOW. So, I am not dwelling on what I don't know. I am meditating on what I DO KNOW----all the things in 1, 2, and 3 above.

It is amazing how much I LOVE her. All my mothering feelings and instincts have come out in full force. I tell her all the time that I love her, that she is treasured, that I am thankful for her. I tell her that there is no one who loves her more or better than Jesus (I tell Cara this everyday too). And, really, I am thankful for whatever time God gives me with her. This has definitely made me not take one moment of her little life for granted. And already she has this AMAZING story! If she lives to the ripe old age of 100, she can tell everyone of God's incredible faithfulness to her. And, if she only lives a moment outside the womb or even if God takes her tomorrow---I will spend the rest of my life telling her story to all who will listen for the GLORY of my Savior (yes, tears did just stream down my face as I wrote that. :)

So, I love you all dearly. And, please keep praying for our girl....that God will straighten her bones, that all her bones, organs, and bodily functions will be forming properly and "normally." Pray for her heart---that even from the womb God would be drawing her heart to himself, whispering His tender love to her, calling her forth to be a woman who proclaims His Gospel. Pray against these diseases, pray against the enemy and his lies, pray that God will use all this for His glory---as I know He is already doing. And, thank you for everyone else who you have praying for us too!

Oh How We Need Jesus

Lately I have really been seeing my need of Jesus. So often I try to be my own Savior or even someone else's. I look to do things in my own strength. I try to fight sin in my own strength, make right choices in my own strength, love others and my family in my own strength. And every time every effort in my own strength falls flat. This is because I desperately need Jesus....ALWAYS. And really, I am thankful for all these things that show me that I am a great sinner in need of a GREAT Savior. This is part of a prayer in Valley of Vision and I think it says what I feel quite nicely, "O let me never lose sight of my need of a Saviour, or forget that apart from him I am nothing, and can do nothing." Yes, I am desperate and needy. And that is a really good place to be. I NEED the help of the Holy Spirit. I NEED to remember that I am adopted as a child of the One True God not by any goodness in me but because God is rich in mercy and loved me when I was his enemy. I NEED to remember Jesus, Emanuel--God with us, who came, loved, lived, died, and rose again so that I may have life to the fullest IN HIM. I NEED to daily remember the Gospel.
The Word of God is rich and penetrating, sharper than any two edged sword. It is the weapon I hold that transforms my heart and instructs me in the way I am to walk. This excerpt from Daily Light was really helpful to my heart. I will leave with it.

October 31
"Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit says the LORD of hosts."

Who has measured the Spirit of the LORD, or what man shows him his counsel?---God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.

"The wind blows where is wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit."---Born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God."

"My Spirit remains in your midst. Fear not." ---The battle is not yours but God's."---"The LORD saves not with sword and spear. For the battle is the LORDS's."

ZECH. 4:6. ISA 40:13. 1 COR. 1:27-29. JOHN 3:8. JOHN 1:13 HAG. 2:5 2 CHORN. 20:15 1 SAM. 17:47

Faith Not Feelings

July 24. That is a date that I will never forget. That is the date when our dear friends unexpectedly lost their 15 month old daughter. She was my daughter's best friend. Dreams were shattered that day. My faith was rocked. Life looks different now and is lived differently. This is the case for all who loved this precious little girl and her family. She left an imprint on all of our lives. Thankfully, for those who love Jesus, that imprint points us to our Savior.

But, what does faith look like now? How do you deal with the pain of this tremdous loss? How do you fight against fear...fear of death, fear of pain, fear of losing those you love? Fear of having to realize that life is hard and will be hard until we enter into etenity and and are able to see our Great God and Savior and know that all has been made right. What do you do when you know so much in your head, but it does not seem to affect your heart. What do you do when you feel your own pain and know that it does not even begin to touch the pain of two friends that you love tremdously. What does faith look like now?

Well, in so many ways, I still have no idea. I think sometimes you don't know from day to day because every day is different and can bring different feelings, different thoughts, and different emotions. There is not this prescription to make everything all better. And, in so many ways, it will never really be "all better" because "all better" will not happen in this life. But, there is one thing that has been resonating with me lately, and that is this: Faith is not built on feelings, and truth doesn't change just because I don't feel like it is true. The fact that God had wonderfully ordained each day of this sweet little one's life to accomplish His purposes is still true. The fact that these purposes are good and right and best is still true. The fact that God's glory should be what we long for most is still true...the prophet Isaiah tells us that God's glory and renoun should be the desire of our hearts. This doesn't change just because I don't understand His ways or wish that He had chosen a different way...a way that would have kept this little girl with us in this life. The fact that Jesus is enough for us, that He was a man of suffereing and intimately knows our pain, that He is sitting on the right hand of the Father interceeding for us, that He is trustworthy and is working all things for our good because He loves us----all these things don't change because I don't FEEL they are true. We serve a POWERFUL GOD. And whether I believe it and feel it or not---His ways are BEST.

So, what do I do now? I cling to truth and preach it to my heart. I chose to do things that are hard even when I don't feel like it. I pray the Word for myself and for my friends. I choose to see God working in all of this. I choose to believe that He IS working this for the good of my friends that I love dearly. I have to choose to cling to truth because my feelings and my thoughts will tell me differently, and I know that the enemy is seeking to come in and steal, kill, and destroy. I HAVE to fight to believe the truth because if I don't everything I love and hold dear is at stake. Jesus is it for me....He is what makes my marriage sweet, my realtionships with friends and family warm and encouraging, being a mother a joy and delight. He is the center of it all. I MUST fight by the power of the Holy Spirit to believe what God's Word says is true. It is what slays my disbelief, calms my fears, gives me sustaining strength on my most wearying days, and gives me the grace to do and believe what is RIGHT not what is EASY. Jesus and His word is EVERYTHING to me.

There have been several quotes that I have read recently that have really encouraged me in this line of thinking. I want to end this post with a few of them. I hope they encourage any who may read this as well.

"Help me to honour thee by believeing before I feel, for great is the sin if I make feeling a cause of faith. The Valley of Vision p. 9

"The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.
Job 1:21

"May this be your experience; may you feel that the Hand which inflicts the wound supplies the balm, and that He who has emptied your heart has filled the void with himself."
Hudson Taylor

Everyting, including our pain, is His. I am thankful He will meet me in it.
Mary Beth Chapman, Choosing to See

The quickest way for anyone to reach the sun and the light of day is not to run west, chasing after the setting sun, but to head east, plunging into the darkness until one comes to the sunrise."
Jerry Sittser

After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you."
1 Peter 5:10

"It Shall Not Seem Hard"

This devotional by Susannah Spurgeon has been really encouraging to me. It comes from her book, Free Grace and Dying Love. Thought I would share it!

It shall not seem hard to thee (Deut. 15:18)

Dear Lord, I have this morning come to one of the secret springs of sweet waters; an ancient, hidden well in the wilderness which you love, as it were, kept covered up and concealed, till in my great need moved you to open my eyes to discover it. How precious has your thought been to me, O Lord! How strengthening and refreshing are these 'cold waters to a thirsty soul', which you have thus made to break forth in a strange place! For I thought I was suffering a hard thing Lord, in the dealings and discipline which you have seen necessary for me; and, though your grace kept me from openly murmuring and complaining, my inner self constantly cried out, 'This is hard, Lord, this is very hard.'

But, now you say, 'No, my child, it must not even seem hard to you. Your trust in me should be so perfect, your faith in my love so strong, your obedience to my will so complete, that nothing should seem grievous which I appoint, no trial that I send should frighten or overwhelm you. Have I not always been to you, "a very present help in trouble"'? Lord my heart says 'Amen!' to your gracious words, and then trusts you to work all this loving obedience in me by your own mighty power.

'It shall not seem hard unto thee' The peculiar trial through which I may now be passing, is the very 'it' which must not seem hard to me. God's bow is never drawn at random; he makes no mistakes either in telling the number of 'the stars', or in measuring out to me the griefs which shall teach me to glorify him. And, dear reader, if you would find comfort from the words which so comforted me, you must look upon your present trouble, whatever it may be, and say, 'Lord, this shall not seem hard to me, I have known so much of your pity and pardoning love, that I dare not mistrust you, or question for a moment the divine wisdom of your dealings with me.'

Ah! our eyes are so dimmed by earth's fogs and shadows that we cannot see clearly enough to distinguish good from evil and if left to ourselves might embrace a curse rather than a blessing. Poor blind mortals that we are, it is well for us even though to our imperfect vision he seems sometimes to have appointed hard things.

Ill that God blesses turns to good,
While unblest good is ill,
And all is right that seems most wrong,
If it be his sweet will
--

Accepting What Comes From God's Hand

So I am not really sure how many people actually read this blog, and I am completely ok with that. This blog was created more as a way for me to journal what God is teaching me and then if someone happens to read it and be encouraged by it...great! But, in general, it is just a really good way for me to document the work God is doing in my heart. And all that is to lead up to me saying that I haven't blogged in a LONG time! I have been wanting to...I would be pondering some new or old truth God was teaching me and think "I want to write about this!" But there has been NO time. For the past several months now I have been dealing with an injury of sorts. I will not go into all the details of it, but I have damaged muscles in my chest and shoulder which limits so much of what I do because so much of what I do involves lifting...which I CANNOT do. You don't really realize how much you lift until you can't...but it is a lot---especially when you have a young child. So, God has been very gracious to us in that we have had family and friends to help me. Family has even taken off work to come and stay with us...which isn't really a chore for them, but still such a blessing. But with all of this there has been very little time for blogging. Tonight I actually have time all by myself, and in efforts to take advantage of it I want to document how God has been refining me.

I can't remember the last time that I really wanted something to end, but I really want this to end. It is not that I don't love having family with us---that has been a blessing with many encouraging conversations. But, this has been very trying. I have realized a lot about myself in new ways. I don't like asking for help...I take pride in taking care of my home, husband, and child. It makes me actually sad to not be able to vacuum. And I think, "God has given me the task of caring for my home! Why has he taken it away?!" The answer was slow in coming to my hard heart (and I still struggle to remember it), but the answer is--- for the sake of the gospel. The question is not how I can keep my home clean and be the perfect wife and mom by my standards. The question is, "how can I be a gospel wife and mother?" I can be a gospel wife by welcoming others into my home and seeking how I can encourage them and fellowship with them together by loving Jesus (and when I have had this perspective God has given me some amazing conversations with others that really encouraged my heart and theirs!). I can be a gospel wife my HUMBLING myself and asking for help. God casts away the proud and I want to be as close to him as possible. If he chooses to humble me in this way (and he is) then my heart should welcome it. This also gives others the opportunity to serve which is something that God commands us to do. I should fight my pride in not wanting to give them that opportunity. I can also be a gospel wife by submitting well to my husband. He is a very wise man. He knows what my physical limitations are. In my selfishness I will want to do something that will in the end cause me more pain and prolong the healing process. He is wise to gently remind and, if necessary, rebuke me when this happens. God is also cultivating humility and trust in my heart when I chose to listen to my husbands wise guidance. And I am a gospel wife when I am not finding my self worth in what I am able to accomplish. In my head, when I am able to clean my house, do laundry, cook meals, take care of Cara, I feel good about myself and will feel like others think well of me too. And, while these are all wonderful things to do, my self worth cannot be found in them. My self worth can only be found in Jesus Christ and in submitting to and trusting in his perfect will for me. I MUST remind myself of his infinitely gracious love for me. His plans are for my good and His glory...I can trust and cling to that truth.

And then there is the gift. With the "suffering" God, my gracious Father, has given me this precious gift. Since my early teens I have always had a desire to be in God's Word...I desired to make it a priority. However, it was always a challenge to have it in the mornings. I would hear others say that it needed to be in the mornings but I would tell myself that I was not a morning person and that it was ok for me to have it at night. This doesn't mean that it was always at night. There were times that I had it in the mornings (but NEVER early mornings). This also doesn't mean that God didn't really speak to me during those times...HE DID! And this is not condemnation for those who do not have their QT's in the morning. But, when this injury happened, there was all of the sudden no time to have my time with the Lord during the day and at night I was always very tired and my times with the Lord were struggling. I had been feeling convicted for a while about having my QT's in the morning (thanks to the book Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney and her blog Girl Talk and also a very wise and godly lady in my church, Mrs. Barbara)...but the thought of getting up earlier just made me cringe. However, all of the sudden I realized I had NO CHOICE. If I wanted to have time to meet with my Savior each day it HAD to be in the morning. So, after a good conversation with my sister-in-law and asking my good friend to hold me accountable I made the step. I set my alarm for an hour earlier than when I usually get up and purposed to have my time with the Lord. And here is the gift...God so worked in my heart that now I LOVE those times. They are so sweet and nourishing to my soul. I love spending time in prayer and in the Word before I do anything else that day. And my mind is much more stayed on the Word and prayerful the whole day through. It has just been SO GOOD! This does not been I am able to get up every morning. If for whatever reason I have a very late night (like when my child is sick), I do extend grace to myself and plan a time to have it later in the day. But, the incredible thing is that I am yearning to get up and have that time again the next morning. This is nothing but God's great work in my life. My flesh has NO desire to wake up and be in the Word, BUT GOD has transformed my desires. What convicted me the most was looking at the life of Jesus. He was God made flesh and he was bent on pointing us to the Father. I know I do well to follow His example and be his imitator. So when I read Mark 1:35 that says Jesus rose early while it was still dark to be alone and pray I need to take notice. No man could have been more tired and busy than Jesus. But HE needed to be with the Father. If Jesus needed that how much more do I!!! And in Matt. 26:4-5 Jesus is earnestly praying in the garden of Gethsemane as he is about to have the full wrath of God poured out on him. He asks two of his disciples to pray but they fall asleep (I must admit that I would have too!). He then rebukes them and tells them to watch and pray! The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak! Oh how I know that to be true! Oh how I must be on guard! Oh how I must heed his words! And oh how I know it to be true that, as Barbara says, I need fresh manna every morning. Just like the Israelites, I cannot live off of yesterday's manna! I pray God guards my heart and keeps this yearning alive...a yearning for HIM and His will to be done above my own.

So, I must accept what comes from my God's hand. I may not understand it. But, I can trust that it is for my good. And I can ask for a teachable heart that treasures Him and trusts Him. Lord, make this true of my heart!

A Mind Set On The Gospel

The Glory of God
My God is immense beyond imagination. He measured the entire universe with merely the span of His hand.
He is unimaginably awesome in all of His perfections, absolutely righteous, holy, and just in all of His ways.
He has also been unbelievably good and merciful to me as the Creator and Sustainer of my life.
Every breath, every heartbeat, every function of every organ in my body is a gift from Him.
Every legitimate pleasure I experience is a gift from His loving hand to me.
All that I am and all that I have I owe to Him and to His goodness.
My life in every way is, and will continue to be, utterly dependent upon Him in whom I live and move and have my being.
This wonderful God is the most supremely worthy Object of admiration, honor, and delight in all of the universe;
And He has created me with the intention that I might glorify Him by finding my soul's delight in Him and by living in joyful obedience to Him in all my ways.
A Gospel Primer for Christians by Milton Vincent
pages 57 and 58

Lately I have been reminded of how much I so desperately need to be speaking the gospel to myself every moment of every day. It is this gospel that so radically transforms my heart and mind---nothing else in this world has the power to do so. If left up to me, I would die in my sinfulness. But God, being so rich in mercy, has completely saved me and transformed me into a new creation in Jesus Christ. Milton Vincent says in his book, A Gospel Primer, "There is simply no other way to compete with the forebodings of my conscience, the condemnings of my heart, and the lies of the world and the Devil than to overwhelm such things with daily rehearsings of the gospel." I have noticed that when things go well and every thing is easy I am not nearly as diligent as I should be to meditate on the glories of the gospel....I am quick to fall into laziness and complacency. But God, being the loving Heavenly Father that he is, knows that we need to be reminded of our desperate need of Him. This is where I am...needing reminders of my desperate need of Jesus. And God, in His kindness, is not allowing things to be easy right now. He is choosing to teach me humility. He is teaching me to rest in Him and His timing and His sovereign plan. And each of these difficulties causes me to run and cling to my Savior, and, because of this, I am so thankful for them. I find my heart agreeing with the psalmist, "Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word. You are good and what you do is good; teach me your statues....It is good for me to be afflicted, that I might learn your statues. The law of your mouth is better to me than thousands of gold and silver pieces." (Psalm 119: 67, 68, 71, 72) So, lately I have been striving to "take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ." (2 Cor. 10:5) I am asking God to give me a teachable heart that is sensitive to His Spirit's leading. I am desiring to be drawn out my own sinful thoughts and feelings and saturate my mind with the holy Word of God. Listening to myself just leads to more anxiety and sin, but setting my mind on the truths in the Word brings life and peace....oh so much peace. This is a fight every day. It does not come naturally or easily to set our minds on what is holy, pure, and good. But thank God that He keeps drawing us back and supplies us with His strength. And, the more we focus on the wonder of who He is and His great work on the cross, the more we desire Him and find our delight in Him. Jesus is all that we need and all that we long for. Praise God for such a sufficient Savior!